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Monday, January 27, 2014

The Snow Daughter; Part I

Awhile back, in December, I came across a blog that was having a short-story writing contest. It was winter themed and had different rules such as: Must have a Villain, must have a Prince and Princess, must have a Snow Fairy, and it has to be wintery.

I had two weeks to write it in, and I didn't finish it in time; and it's still not finished. But I thought I would share with you all what I have so far. ("Part I")

Please note that  parts of the story may change as I write. So enjoy it for now, and when I finish it and change different things I might come back and edit this post; updating it with the finished product. :D

Enjoy. :)

Part I

I, am a Snow Daughter, or better known as a Snow Fairy. But really, that is what the humans call us - we are known to other creatures similar to us as Snow Fey. We live in clouds, ones humans call Nimbostratus Clouds, but once again they are wrong. We call them Cotones, they are made of light fluffy matter called Terra. It is similar to snow: except much, much colder. We tone it down for humans, no offense. There is one Cotone, however, known throughout the Firmament (the world of the ‘fairies’ that includes more than us) It is slightly larger on the outside, but incredibly and wonderfully different on the inside. It is called the Flurry; and this is where Jack Frost, the Emperor, and Empress Nicole live. There dwells also their children: Winston, prince and heir to the throne, and Irene the sweet and kind princess who sparkles like a snowflake in midfall.
 And I, Neve Fiocco, was somehow whisked away from the small Cotone that I lived in, content with my life: loving my family, and cheerfully doing my job, to the Flurry. To do what, you may ask? That is what I am about to tell you..


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It was cold and white. Just as it should be. I was crossing from the blizzard field to the snowflake field, and then on to home. My arms were bare, excepting my small wrist guards, and I wore a thin, white dress that dropped to my feet; blue, crystal shoes made from ice peeking out from underneath. Clasped around my neck and draping around me in thick protection was a cloak, blue in color, similar to the dark parts of the ocean.  The white designs that swirled over the dark blue fabric in intercite snowflakes, were my own touch. This attire is well known among the Snow Fey, we are all provided with one from our birth; it has magical properties causing it to grow as the Fey does. What isn’t well known is the quiver of arrows that was slung over my back, and the bow I clutched in my hand. The bow was made from rough wood, covered in a thin layer of ice swirled in beautiful designs; this bow had been touched by Jack Frost. As had the quiver: it was made of thin ice, so thin that to the eyes it looked ready to shatter; but to the hand it felt that it could withstand the power of a mighty hammer. The arrows were strong and reliable: the rods were made of the same wood as the bow, while the head was made of the sharpest ice made in the Firmament. It had been a gift from my mother long ago, when I first started tending the fields. She never revealed to me why she had gotten it, only that the Emperor himself, Jack Frost, had touched it and put a spell on the quiver; and, translated, it went like this:


From whence these arrows came,
They shall return,
This quiver shall never be empty,
These arrows, never burn:
For they are destined to
Douse
The
Flame


Mother never fully explained this spell, indeed I do not know how she came to know it - she only told me, in a whisper, that this bow would never fail me; it would always be there for me; the arrows would never run out, nor would they burn..


And so, with her encouragement I learned to use this magical bow, trusting her that the arrows would never run out - no matter how many I let loose. It had been years, but at last I mastered it.


It had been but a week since my arrow hit the impossible target, and I confidently pulled an arrow out of my quiver as I strode across the Blizzard Field, aiming for the ice hedge separating the two fields. It was a long stretch, but I was sure I could make it. I pulled back my bow, about to release it; to send it to its target, when I happened to look down. My naturally snow white complexion glowed blue for a moment as my face was filled with horror; my body with panic. I scrambled back, away from what I beheld in my vision: a hole in the Cotone! I could see the barren lands of the humans far, far, below, brown and bare for they were not yet covered in snow. I involuntarily glanced around in fear: nothing! After a moment of consideration (not necessarily calm consideration) of what I should do, I knelt down a ways from the edge to examine the hole, wondering what had managed to destroy part of the Cotone. My examination revealed nothing: the ground of the Cotone simply dropped away, smooth and neat. Remembering what Father had taught me about searching for things by touch rather than by sight I ran my hands along the edge feeling for anything out of the ordinary. My hand pulled back quickly in disgust and shock at what it felt: the edge was wet and slimy, but worst of all, warm. I stared in fear at the hole: warmth? On a Cotone? Was it melting? The only time our world and homes were in danger of melting was if we stayed too long in one place, and Spring began its job - melting any evidence of winter. I frowned, puzzled. Winter hadn’t even officially started! Tomorrow was the big day, Blizzards were planned for the entire region that the Cotones covered. I once again peeked through the hole at the land below. It was most certainly the beginning of winter; the landscape was lightly dusted in frost and dead plants were being roughly tossed by a cold, sharp wind. I pulled back from the hole and scrambled to my feet, trying to decide what to do. I stood above the opening, studying it. I closed my eyes in concentration, throwing my hands over the gap in the ground, mumbling to myself the words of a spell I had known since feyhood:


copertura di ghiaccio e di
protezione su di te darĂ²   


   Slowly a layer of substance similar to the floor of the Cotone covered the hole. A simple utterance of another spell would take it off if needed, and that was my plan of action once I brought my father to view the interruption of peace. Drawing an arrow from my quiver I carefully carved an ‘N’ in the Terra next to the hole, which was nearly invisible now. The N was faint, but clear enough that I, or any Snow Fey, would be able to read it. That done, I hurriedly turned away from the piece of mystery and starting walking quickly towards home; after a moment I set the arrow I still clutched in my hand, into the bow. I broke into a run, my eyes watching the ground in search for more holes; my senses alert for anything out of the ordinary; and my bow ready to protect me. I arrived at my home minutes later, without having seen anything. Before entering the small cottage I turned on the doorstep and studied my surroundings: it was silent and white, only a small breath of wind disturbed the scene. The loud beating of my heart quieted within me as I stood there watching the peaceful scene, but my hand continued to grip the bow: prepared to release an arrow at a seconds notice. I slowly opened the door, and took one last glance before I slipped through into the protection of the cottage.
A shaky sigh of relief escaped my lips as I rested against the back of the door, wondering at the fear that gripped my heart so tightly. "It is probably nothing, Neve." I scolded myself, trying to laugh at the fear that welled up inside of me. But I couldn't and I grew more frightened as I stood in the hall of the home that was so familiar. A wave of panic washed over me as the room blurred and the walls of the hall grew bright and yellow in color, I cried out and, dropping my bow with a clatter, covered my face with my hands, my body shaking. A drumming noise sounded in my ear, growing louder and louder as I began to feel warm, then cold, then extremely hot. Right when I felt that my life was going to be snuffed out, an object weighed heavily on my shoulder; and stab of cold went straight to my heart, then everything stopped and silence reigned once again. I pulled my hands away from my face and cautiously and fearfully looked up. The worried face of my father looked down at me (for I now was kneeling on the floor).
  "Neve! Neve, what's wrong?"
  I tried to reply, but only a few and stuttered words came from my mouth. I scrambled to my feet, my body trembling. I gripped my fathers arms in need of support. After a moment of reassuring peace, my father quietly spoke, his eyes looking at my face with concern,
"I heard your cry while in the inner room. I hurried to the hall and found you gasping on the ground and your bow was glowing blue beside you. As I strode down the hall the bow started to flicker and there was a yellow glow around you. Neve," he said in a worried tone, "you didn't answer when I called you, you didn't look up or show any sign that you heard me." A shadow passed over his face, "I placed my hand on your shoulder and my hand felt on fire; then you collapsed beneath my touch." When he finished he stood silent, looking for any injuries on my weak body.
 "I am fine now father, weak though I feel." I said, in what I hoped to be a calm and assuring voice. I turned to retrieve my bow and arrow that lay on the floor beside me. The urgency of the news I had to relay surged through my mind, washing out all questions and thoughts about the strange attack on my unprepared mind and body. I quickly returned the arrow to the quiver, slung my bow over my shoulder and then turned to my father. He still acted worried, but a new look was in his eyes that was more than worry. I believe he might have started to guess about what was going on, for a hint of understanding  was in that new look.
  I glanced around the hall before I spoke, saying in a quick and quiet manner, "I do have something that may have cause for worry, and I feel in my heart that the longer we wait the more dangerous it will become. Let us find mother, she should hear this also."
  Father nodded saying, "She is in the Lounge, are you able to walk?"
  Together we walked to the Lounge. Together. In his protection. The heavy weight of his arm around my shoulder made me feel like I would never hurt again; that he would always be there for me. And for a split second, everything was alright.
  We entered into the room where my mother sat, a slight frown of worry upon her fair brow, wondering what was going on, no doubt. I almost immediately collapsed into the seat beside her, quietly assuring my mother that I was not injured. She sat patiently waiting for an explanation, until my father returned with a glass of water; it looked very refreshing in its cup of ice, and I have never longed for water as much as I did then. For a moment I simply sat in front of them gulping down the refreshing liquid. But enough with the water, for the next couple minutes I relayed everything I had seen and done up until Father’s entrance into the story. When they heard about the hole in the Cotone their faces became grave, and into their eyes came a look of something that I thought might have been fright. But I wasn’t sure, my parents are never frightened. Ever. The terrifying feeling of fear once again gripped my heart, and I fought to be calm. I continued my story,
  “When I got to the house everything was still, and I began to think I had imagined it.” I paused, shuddering at what followed. “But when I got into the cottage an intense fear came over me - such as I never have felt before. The hall started to blur and turn bright yellow, like the sun, and painfully loud drums thundered in my ears. My body felt icy cold, and then burning hot. And I - I was frightened.” Tears started to run down my cheek but I shook my head, chasing them away with the confidence that my parents would know what to do.
   My Father looked at my mother for a minute, talking through their eyes in that strange way parents do.
  “Neve, something is wrong, you are right. And we are now all in danger.” He put his hand over mine and looked into my eyes, “We need to discuss something, quickly, but then we must visit this hole - I must examine it myself.” He paused and looked at my mother, who had not said a word through my entire story.
  Her voice was soft and a feeling of peace rushed through me as she started to talk, “A long time ago, when I was a young fey, I too owned this bow.” She touched it were it lay over my shoulder, “Jack Frost himself presented it to me, after he put the spell on both arrow and quiver. I do not have time now to tell you why, but I will tell you what he told me: ‘This bow, as well as quiver, are now in your possession. You will use it to protect yourself and the rest of the Snow Fey. And, when you are older and have a daughter, you will give present it to her, and she will learn to use it. And likewise she will pass it on to her daughter. This bow is destined for something great, but I do not have foresight to see who will use it during that time. I only know that this bow will not work for anyone other than you or your daughter, or your granddaughter, her granddaughter. For it must stay in this family, or it will never fulfill what it is meant to do.’  It may be, Neve, that you are the one to use the bow during the destined time. If this hole is something of danger and importance you must travel quickly to the Emperor, and relay to him what you have seen. Keep the Arco e Freccia - for indeed the bow has a name - beside you at all times, never give it to anyone or let it go." Her eyes spoke to my heart, urging it to be brave, to remember everything she had taught me about the bow.
 "Now go, go show your father quickly, before it is too late."
  I stood up gripping tightly the bow on my shoulder. My mind was whirling with what she had just told me, but I knew there was no time for questions or wonder, I needed to get my father to the hole immediately.
  "Thank you, mother." I said as she pulled me into a hug that I would never forget.
  "Have courage, do not lose heart, my daughter."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I pulled my cloak closer to my body, fumbling with my fingers to make sure it was still clasped. It was growing dark and I, I will admit, was growing scared. I had brought my father to the hole, finding it easily - for the 'N' I had carved beside it glowed blue as I drew near. And after softly saying the spell the layer of ice  disappeared, allowing my father to closer examine the opening. I can't tell you exactly what he thought of it, for I do not know. He didn't say much, but turned to me with an even graver look on his face,
  "Neve, your Mother is right. You must travel quickly to Jack Frost and tell him of this. I fear that these holes are not simply meltation, but another force invading our Cotone. I would not be surprised if you found many more holes as you journey to the Flurry. I give you some advice, beside your mother's, before you leave. One, the spell that you put on the hole prevented it from growing larger and even more dangerous. I want you to do that to each and every invasion you come across. It will protect the fey from further harm that might come from the enemy and these holes. Two, do not hesitate to help fey if they are in trouble, for the enemy may have forces attacking smaller Cotones and taking over, and remember - this bow is to protect you and other fey. And lastly," he put his hand on my shoulder, "you must be careful of the fey you trust, for in dark times even fey will turn to help the enemy out of fear."
  And so we parted, after saying goodbye; assuring ourselves that I would succeed in my mission and return soon. Very soon.
  Now here I was walking along, scared, while the air grew dark around me. Father had told me that there would be only one Cotone I would need to travel through before reaching the Flurry. Thus my first step was to walk to the border of our Cotone, and my second was to travel across the wide expanse (in my eyes at least) of open air between the place I had lived all my life, and the next Cotone.
  "Just keep focused and don't think about the enemy, don't think about your fear." I squeezed my eyes shut, chanting to myself. My hands were shaking - and it wasn't because I was cold.
I kept thinking I saw something out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned my head there was nothing but a strange yellow hue in my vision. I shook my head, thinking it was something left over from my strange attack I had earlier; or even my imagination.
  After I had trudged on for awhile, keeping watch for holes and trying to shake off the feeling I was being watched, I felt something brush my cheek; looking up I discovered I had walked into a blizzard field. I paused for a moment, the snowflakes swirling around me and gently covering my cloak in a layer of whiteness.
  "There are but two families and their Fattorias between ours and the border. This blizzard field means I have reached the first one," I started to walk again, "and I have only one more to cross before I get to the overpass." {or the Cavalcavia as we call it}
  My steps were lighter and faster as I ran through the blizzard field, and the darkness that had fully set in didn't seem to bother me. In an amazingly short time I found myself in the blizzard field of the neighboring Fattoria, and in the next moment a tall tower loomed up out of the darkness. My eyes widened in wonder, for never before had I seen the Cavalcavia tower. I softly walked to the steps, looking at the surroundings of the tower. There was nothing to be seen, in the dark I couldn't even make out the border of the Cotone. I shuddered at thought of walking off the edge without knowing it was there.
  I stood in front of the tall door, and knocked.
  A shaky voice answered from inside,
  "I am the keeper of this tower, charged with the responsibility of protecting the border. If I deem your errand to be for the good of fey I will help you cross, if I do not deem it wise then woe is you: for you must return from where you came."
  I replied in similarly shaky voice, but I think that the reasons for the shaking of my voice we're not the same as his.
  "My name is Neve Fiocco, the Fattoira I come from is the third from this tower, and my mission urges me to quickly travel to the Emperor; for danger has entered the land."
  The sounds of shuffled walking came from inside, and the door swung in revealing a old fey standing in the passage. He studied me in the cold light that shone from within, (making me all the more nervous) before opening the door wider and saying,
  “Come in lassie, come in. I shall hear your tale and, if I approve, send you off in the morning. It is too dark to see past the tip of your nose right now.”
  I eagerly entered into the cover of the Tower, glad to be away from the darkness and the possible enemies that hid in it.
  The evening passed quickly, and truly, I do not remember everything that happened that night. When I first came in he sat me down at a small table and set before my eager eyes food of great quantity. While I ate, he asked me questions - I still do not know how I answered them and told my entire story while stuffing my face. Let us hope he didn't judge me by my manners. By the time my plate was entirely clean, he had agreed to help me over the Cavalcavia. My last thought before I fell asleep, laying with exhaustion on the bed he had provided, was,
  “Why was I so nervous? He’s the... nicest.. fey...in the world..”  
  The next morning I awoke feeling as if I had been hammered into the ground during the night. I let out a groan and lay staring at the ceiling. But my mind was awake, and so was the sun, so I had to get up. I knew I needed to get started. 
After fully waking up, I went through a moment of panic when I couldn’t find my bow and arrow; but the old fey appeared holding it out to me; freshly polished and wiped. I heaved a sigh of relief, and gratefully thanked him for his work. After a quick breakfast, time found me standing at the border of the Cotone looking fearfully at the long distance one would fall if they were so unfortunate to slip off the edge. The land of the humans looked drastically different from what I had seen only yesterday, for now they were covered in a thick blanket of snow; making it more inviting to my eyes.
  “The Blizzards went as planned,” I mumbled to myself, turning away from the edge, “that at least has some hope in it.” Obviously the enemy, if there was one, hadn’t been able to stop the blizzards. If that was even part of his motives. I shrugged, little did I know; and now I did not have time to think about it.  
  The elderly fey’s voice tickled my ear,
  “It is all set Miss Fiocco.” He guided me over to a small ice statue that stood next to the tower. I looked at it puzzled. It was carved into the shape of a wooden staff, rough and thin with a sharp crook at the top; standing taller than me, but not so tall that I could not touch the tip of it. It was fine craftsmanship, I admit - but what, I asked myself, did it have to do with traveling over the Cavalcavia?
   The fey motioned for me to stand in front of it, so that behind me was the terrifying edge, and in front stood the staff and the age-worn fey; his hand resting on the staff. Following his instructions, I stood in place waiting - waiting for what, I knew not.
  The fey’s eyes looked into mine, and I felt as if my heart was being searched. His gaze continued to burn into me, as his hand firmly twisted the staff; with a quick movement, he thrust it into the ground; causing almost the entire staff to be swallowed up by the Cotone. My eyes seemed locked into his, and when I felt the ground beneath me move silently and swiftly away, I was prevented from looking around to see what exactly was happening. A minute passed, but it felt like forever. The old fey broke his stare, and turned away: disappearing into the fog of the Cotone. I collapsed to the ground in exhaustion; gasping for air. What had he done to me? My heart spoke to me; whispering the answer:
  “These are evil times. Not everyone is to be trusted; if this old fey, on whom the protection and well-being of the Cotone depends upon, let anyone through that might be harmful to fey - he would pay dearly. He would pay, with his life. He was searching you, he was examining the intentions of your heart.”   
  I felt weak for awhile after; not weak in the body but weak in the heart and mind. Hoping, and assuring myself, that what the fey found was the motive to protect and help the fey: no matter what happens.
  I stood up, trusting the land I stood on: what did I stand on? I nervously looked down, half expecting to see nothing, but was pleased to see that it looked normal, just like another part of the Cotone. It was a circle; 12 feet or more in diameter. I looked ahead, wondering how long it would take: the next Cotone look small in the distance. However, the land I stood upon seemed to be accelerating quickly towards it, though it made not a sound. I stood watching the goal of this, hopefully, short journey across the Overpass. The land far below was nothing interesting to look it, for it was all white, covered in it’s blanket of snow.
  The land ahead was still far in the distance, when from behind me I heard a small noise. Nothing a human would hear, but we fey have sharp ears - and this is one of the many times I was thankful that I did. I swiveled around, my instincts stringing my bow and holding it ready in front of me.
  I do not know what I expected, but I what I saw was most assuredly not it. For there, across the small section of the Cotone stood a tall figure. He was clad in a long stiff cloak; burning yellow in color. It was a different cloak than mine, for it had sleeves that ran down his arms, ending in a pointed tip that reached his finger tips. He had tall gold boots that disappeared into this cloak, making him stand slightly taller than he was. His head was held erect and proud, giving the impression that he was above everyone - most of all me. A shiver went up my spine as I realized that if this fey was dangerous, then the place upon which we stood made him and the circumstance even more so.  
  “Greetings, Snow Fey.” His voice cut like a knife in the air; and his reference to Snow Fey was uttered in disgust.
  My hands shook slightly as I continued to hold the arrow aimed at the Fey. My mind struggling to answer the questions flowing through my head.
  “Greetings.” I answered warily, “What brings you to a land where you do not belong?” I wasn’t quite sure from what land he came, but I did know for certain that he did not belong here.
   “Oh..” He toyed with a dagger that he held in his hand, “orders.” He looked up from the blade and smiled at me. I started, as if I had been struck with the weapon. My heart guessed what his orders were, and I was grasped with fear.  
  “But no worries!” He seemed to enjoy my fear, “I am only searching for a fey by the name of Neve Fiocco, you may be someone else.” He waited, watching for my response - both verbal and physical.
  I hesitated, what should I say? Then I realized, as I returned his stare, that he knew I was Neve: even if I denied it. So I decided not to.
  “I am Neve Fiocco.” I said it with a proud note in my voice, “Who are you and from whom were the orders delivered?” I wanted to add, ‘and what are they’ but I feared the answer I suspected was coming.
  He laughed. A horrible laugh. A terrifying laugh. And I felt very, very frightened.
  “I am a Sun Fey. My name is Oro, and you are right to fear me.” His fingers slide along the blade of his knife. “But my master Caldo, you should fear even more.” He took a step forward. “He was the one that delivered the orders, and I intend to carry them out,” a small, creepy smile. “very thoroughly.”
  I tried to hide the shiver of fear that I felt run through my body, and my knuckles grew white from grasping the bow so tightly.
  “Come one step closer and you’ll get an arrow in your chest.” I tried to make my voice sound strong but I’m afraid it sounded just as scared as I really was.
  He laughed at me; at my fear; and, in his eyes, my pettiness. He continued to slowly step forward, a proud swag to his walk.
  I stepped back, wondering what to do. A glanced behind me showed that the journey across the Overpass was not yet coming to a close: I could not depend upon help from anyone but my wits.  
  Trusting my hands to not shake so much as to ruin my aim, I released an arrow at him - or rather at this arm. I did not want to kill him, I couldn’t kill him. At least, not yet.
  My eyes followed the arrow as it flew at the arm that grasped the knife, and watched in dismay as it bounced off; disappearing beneath the land upon which we stood.
  He laughed and paused in his steps,
  “You little liar!” He was trying to sound angry; but all I heard was him gloating over the fact that I didn’t have the guts to go through with my threat.
  “I don’t even know why you try; I will kill you here in the middle of nowhere and no one will ever know what happened.” He twirled the knife in his fingers and crossed the few lengths of ground that remained between us. “Even your body won’t be found.”
  He was tall and menacing, standing before me in warm light. I was upset that he seemed to be so confident of the outcome of his mission.
  “I’m not so easily defeated, Oro.” I shot back haughtily.
  “Indeed?” He put the knife to my throat, smiling again that small, creepy, smile.
  I backed up a step, realizing at the same time that I was right at the edge. How I wished my head would stop swirling so that I could think! I had no ideas, no thoughts on how to get out of this mess. I returned my bow to my shoulder and the arrow to the quiver. Swallowing my fright I turned back to Oro; all of this happened in a split second, for I knew better than to turn my back on the enemy.
  A split second was all he needed, for when I faced him, I found the blade pulled back ready to strike.
  “Oh you don’t want to do that.” I said as my fingers clenched together forming a determined fist.  
  Oro did want to do that. And he did: He struck.
  I often wonder if what I did was right, for my plan, the weak, spur of the moment plan, could have gone wrong and that blade would have pierced my heart. It would have ended my fright, my worry.. and everything else, including my life.
  But it didn’t. For as the blade rushed down, towards my heart beating wildly in fear, I flung myself to the ground. I felt the Terra being shoved into my face and my breath being knocked out of my lungs. But more strongly I felt a warm shock run up my arm, and for a moment pain, unbearable pain, shot from my arm throughout my body. I screamed and rolled over clutching at my injury. Instinct told me to get up; to be on guard: Oro was still there.
  I looked up. My instincts were right: Oro stood over me. Why he did not kill me in that unguarded moment of fear I know not. Maybe it was compassion, maybe it was respect for the downed opponent, or perhaps it was part of his scheme.
  “Oro,” I gasped as I staggered to my feet, clutching my arm. “don’t do this. What have I done to deserve death?”
  His face hardened and he scoffed at me,
  “Nothing yet.” he spat.
  “Then why kill,” I gasped as spasms of pain shot from the wound. “an innocent fey.”
  He laughed, “Caldo gave the orders, I do not question them.”
  I drew an arrow from the quiver with my good right arm. I tried to take my bow off my right shoulder, but my left arm was too injured to use. I struggled for a minute, but in vain. I looked up wildly at Oro, breathing fast.
  Oro stepped forward, once again holding up the knife. This time he wasn’t smiling, nor was he laughing. No more playing with his prey, he was going to carry out orders quickly and neatly.
  I stumbled backwards, forgetting the edge was right behind me. My eyes looked at him in agony and fear.
  Something flashed in Oro’s eyes: was it compassion? But it disappeared, and his eyes turned to steel. Any second thought on his planned actions were pushed aside, and he lunged forward in determination.
  I stepped back quickly, to avoid his second attempt to carry out the orders, but I didn’t avoid the edge: my step never finished and I was roughly pulled off the land as my body fell down into the Firmament. My hand scrambled for the edge and the arrow I still clutched caught in the Terra, harshly jolting my body to a stop. I looked down as I heard a yell of pain and anger coming from beneath me: Oro was falling, his face full of fear and bewilderment. I watched in shock for moment as he disappeared into the mist below; how did he fall? My grip started to slip, and panic rose inside of me as I realized I was dangling over a thousand foot drop. Quickly, and somewhat painfully, I pulled myself over the edge back onto level ground.
 Dizzy from loss of blood and the fact that I almost fell off the edge to my most probable death, I sat down. My arm throbbed with pain and I squeezed my eyes shutting, as if shutting out the world would shut out the pain. With a grimace, for I hate the sight of blood, I turned my head to examine my wound.
  From the middle of my upper arm to below my shoulder to ran a deep gash. And while it was bleeding badly, I believe I was fortunate enough to escape major injury. I was hoping it looked worse than it was. The left side of my dress was covered in scarlet liquid: something I had never seen before. I looked away feeling sick: I knew I needed to stop the bleeding but I didn’t know how. I suppose I could have used my cloak, but with so much loss of blood my brain wasn’t functioning properly. I was confused, in pain, and all I could do was stare at my arm in a daze.
  I stood up, looking around for something that wasn’t there. I tried to walk forward, but saw that there was blood on the ground as well. My face filled with horror and I turned away: back to the edge? My head throbbed,,
  “What was I suppose to do? Why am I here?” There seemed to be something in the back of my head, something important. I looked up and saw the tall Cavalcavia tower not far in the distance. The haze in my thoughts started to clear, but not enough before I collapsed to the ground in a dead faint.

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Feel free to comment and tell me what you loved or hated about The Snow Daughter. :)

<3 Eva
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13 comments:

  1. Wow. This story is awesome! It's a shame it was too late for the competition. Well done, Evelyn!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you, Anna! I was disappointed as well that u didn't finish it in time. Maybe working on it longer than planned will make it better. :)

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  2. That was lovely, Evelyn!
    ~ Grace Anna

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    1. Thank you!! I'm looking forward to when you get more of the book you're writing posted on your blog!

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  3. This is great Eva! I really liked it :) one suggestion that I had, take it or leave it, is that you could make it a tad bit less wordy, but overall I thought it was good and I'm looking forward to reading the rest :) Good Job!

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    1. Thank you, Gavriel!! And thanks for the advice - I'll see if I can go back and change it to be less wordy. I think that probably happened because I'm always worried I'm rushing the story to much. :)

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    2. yeah I understand :) and it wasn't a huge deal, I just noticed it becuase I have issues with the same thing :) But who knows? maybe someday you'll be an amazing like C.S. Lewis and nobody will care that your wordy (he is haha) so yeah, not a big deal :) haha I always feel like I am blowing things out of proportion when I give advice like this..... anyway.... Good Job!!

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  4. Ash! I loved it! Please finish it!! =) Its amazing... Are you planning to finish it?

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    1. Thank you!!! Yes I am planning on finishing it - in fact a lot of my free time is going into it. :)

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  5. Oh wow. This is an absolutely breathtaking story. I'm sorry it took me so long to read it and comment! I was going to, but I forgot. :( Then, just as I was going to work on MY story from the blog party (yes, I was the co-host of the party and I still haven't finished my story yet!) I remembered that you had posted yours. :) So here I am!
    I'm really looking forward to part 2! I love your style of writing and your plot-it's so creative!! It's such a shame you didn't write it in time for the contest! :(

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    1. I'm so sorry for the late reply Natalie!!

      Thank you bunches! I'm glad you like it, even though as I go back and re-read now - I think it needs some editing. :) As for the plot, I'm really excited about it. For the most part it's been really flowing together by itself. (for the most part mind you, haha)

      I really want, and need to read yours! I noticed that you posted part 2 and 3. I'm pretty busy, but I hope to find some time soon to read it!!

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    2. Oh yay! I love it when stories flow from your hand to the paper-that's the best! Hope you enjoy mine when you do read it! I know how it is to be busy, so don't feel obligated though. :)

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this blogging community and their comments are what give me purpose to blogging. they encourage and inspire, even if its the littlest of notes <3 thank you for taking the time to comment!