// honored //

sweet olivia from summer of 1999 awarded me the liebster award!
{several weeks ago that is. forgive me}
most of these questions i answered one night last week, but then i came back and edited a couple.
thus questions x and xi are a little outdated, but no matter.
the answers are still true.
thank you so much olivia for awarding me! i am very flattered and enjoyed answering your questions. <3

i do not have anyone to award this time around, but perhaps i will randomly award some lovely bloggers in the future.
i love you all.

i. what is one, or two, things that you can never resist the urge to impulse buy?

clothes. and shoes. i've grown stronger to fight the urge, but they're pretty much the only thing that i have a huge desire/impulse to buy. ;)

ii. do you like hot tea? If so, what are some of your favorite kinds?

oh yes. my absolute favorite is chai tea (like with an actual tea bag and herbs), its amazing. another favorite is pear tea <3

iii. what is the latest book you've read?

the giver by lois lowry. it was very similiar to the anthem by ayn rand {written 56 years earlier}, but less of a fable and more of a teen novel. 
however, i found it really interesting and the little things really made it for me. 

iv. if you could relive a day in your past which would it be and why?

there are many days i would relive, but one that recently happened was an outside concert.
the pit was full of singing, shouting young people trying to survive the 90+ heat.
the musicians were having a blast singing and jamming out.
you could feel the drum beat in your chest,
the lights blinded you or aided your sight,
you could feel the pulse of the crowd around you,
the stinging of your clapping hands resonating through your body,
your lungs breathless from shouting and singing and screaming.
it was loud, bright and incredible. 

v. what is your favorite color? [I know this is totally unoriginal but I want to know]

green. 

{plants.

trees.

deep oceans.}

vi. if you could go on vacation to one spot, where would it be?

right now, probably spain or italy.

vii. what is the perfect weather to you?

i am a firm believer that Jesus created seasons because he knew it would be impossible for us to decide on one. He know's we're fickle creatures. as a result i have two perfect weather circumstances:

I. pouring rain. cloudy. chilly. breezy. cozy inside with laughter and a fire and books.

II. sun shining. water sparkling. a slight breeze. little to no clouds. laughter. 

i suppose you could say i love water, wind, and laughter. 

viii. what are you wearing right now?

skinny jeans and a gray baggy t-shirt that has an anchor on it. ;)

ix. what person in your life are you closest to and how did you meet?

assuming we're talking outside of the family due to the latter half of the question,

i would have to say my friend hannah.

we actually never officially "met" since our family's have known each other our entire life.

so yes, childhood friend's i guess you could say.

x. what has been the highlight of your week?

 it actually hasn't happened yet, but saturday i'm going to an outdoor concert of switchfoot and needtobreathe (and two other bands but i forget their names) [edit: the two bands were colony house and drew holcomb and the neighbors. the former was awesome, the latter wasn't really my style]
 which is going to be a heck of a time.

xi. when was the last time you laughed/cried, and what prompted it? [you can choose which you want to do, or both]

the last time i laughed harder than a normal giggle (i don't ever live a day with out some form of laughter), was probably yesterday when i went to the river with my family.

there was sun, chilly water, and the gathering of wild ivy.

and also slippery rocks. 

the laughter was prompted by squeals that escaped from my cold lungs as i entered the water,

and later when i decided i was going to cross the river without getting my upper body wet (which was impossible) to retrieve the wild ivy.

i did get the ivy. i did not stay dry. 

i cry very easily, but i can't, at the moment, remember the last time i did.

<3 eva

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"train your mind to see the good in everything"
-unknown // via

// deep breath //

we sometimes call each other

wishing we were back to what used to be

feeling vibes

feeling nostalgia

gritting our teeth in the pain of the present

trying to ignore that 

time is moving on 

and sometimes we have to too.

<3 eva

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"we've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen."
d. h. lawrence // via

// we are human //

and my heart is always breaking for the ghosts that haunt this room 

we fall asleep to revolution, but wake up next to a sad excuse 

oh, what a shame
how we got in our own way 

| nate ruess // harsh lights |

<3 eva
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the spectacular now
unknown // via pinterest

// L I V E //

its called joy.

and its what makes your heart feel like bursting.

its a smile that's tugging at your mouth.

and what escapes the lungs is called laughter.

via pinterest

live this day, my love.

live this life.

<3 eva

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don't forget to check out the special guest post by abby!

the future is always beginning now.
mark strand // via pinterest

// les mots //

hello, this is abby. 
evelyn and i are doing something a little bit special; we have given each other lists of words with the instructions to write what these words mean to us. i hope you enjoy what these words mean to me, for they have torn passion out of my mind and stretched it across this blank page.

CITRUS.

every time i remember that night, it is like pouring citrus into the cracks of a half-healed wound. the sting travels; the sting traverses every seam. the green, electric pain rushes across the inside of my head, and into my veins, and to the tips of my fingers. i feel it in the wounds and in the papercuts. i know what i have done, and the guilt stings in my scars.

OXYGEN.

the boy exhaled in two ragged coughs and he inhaled in two ragged gasps. the oxygen scratched across the flesh of his lungs; there was an ache deep in his ribs. his palms slid back, heaving him from the red canvas. the boy’s eyes flashed with fire; he was hungry to win. the boy was a fighter, born and bred. he slid his glove across his face and it came back bloody. he blinked. he smiled. he brought his fists up to his jaw. he had done this one thousand times. he had died one thousand times, only to live another day. oxygen is never kind to a fighter, and the boy had learned this one thousand times.

SURRENDER.

you will never win if it is yourself that you are fighting.

VOICES.

his voice scratches, softens, deepens, lightens, thunders, cries, laughs and rushes and falls all over me. his voice resonates in the back of my head, and it sinks down to my shoulder blades. his voices falls slowly past my heart, and i can feel its warmth. his voice strikes chords. his voice tears me apart and inside out. his voice drags me from the dark; his voice lets in the stars. his voice brings me home.

my voice whispers, hovers, ventures, returns, creaks and sighs, it sways slow and steady. my voice is soft and scared and i’m standing on the edge, but just standing. and my voice wavers inside uncertainty, and my voice is afraid.

DENIAL.

she repeated “no” to herself so many times that she could no longer understand the meaning of the word. it was too hard to believe. her body screamed in denial, her mind churned and roared in an ocean of denial, and her hands shook. it was too hard to believe.

MIND.

heartmindsoul is the triumvirate governing your feelings, your thoughts, your being. your mind is the wall, the army, the gate. you are the gatekeeper. do not let anything slip past that could set this noble homeland to ruin.

VENUS.

he was my morning star;

he rose with the silver light

he was my evening star;

he sang me to sleep

he is my venus;

he is my mourning scar

MOTHS.

quivering, shivering, inaudible wings -

the black and silver dust; the charcoal beings.

shuddering, fluttering, i can never escape them -

they, the mass of tiny bodies; the mass of ghosts.

chaos above, below. i huddle in darkness -

i’m shrouded in whispers; the whispers of flight.

chaos below, above. i see constellations -

they correlate the sky; they’ve taken my ceiling.

FAITH.

faith is hard, my friend. you are not always going to feel these magical christian feelings. you are not always going to feel like you can connect with God. you are not always going to think that your beliefs are logical or even real. i don’t, anyway. but you have to hold on, cling, cleave, whatever. that’s faith. you have been called to step out on a bridge that you cannot see, and that is faith. sometimes you will fall from the bridge; you will have to reach out and hold onto the edge with all of your strength and that is faith. and then, He helps you climb over the side. you will lie on your face, gasping for air, and that is faith. he doesn’t bring in a helicopter to to carry you over this chasm; you have to walk it yourself. i don’t even know where i’m going with this metaphor, but i guess my point is: if you feel like you’re losing your faith, you must hold on to it anyway. yes, it is hard. but that would be christianity:

hard. worth it.

TONIGHT.

my love, there is something left for you, and it is tonight. it’s tonight. you must seize it; you must grasp it with two hands and with every fiber of strength left in your heart. i know that you’re weary, but threads of possibility still stream from the stars, if you can find them. there is something left for you, and it is called tonight.

|| abby ||

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*evelyn's post is here*

your life. love it. from the hurt to the wonder. from the bone to the flower.
love it. with everything you've got. its yours.
nayyirah waheed // via

// s e r e n i t y //

the smooth touch of 

w a t e r

g l a s s y

like a calmed soul.

<3 eva

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remember why you started
unknown // via pinterest

// a beating revolution //

it is made of bone,

thick, curved, strong,

and fragile.

the starry whiteness of each bar blinds me.

i look away.

how dare i tamper with such a fixed boundary?

it is a cage i have always lived with,

why is it suddenly so hard?

my heart beats a revolution, 

pounding against the walls.

FREE - DOM

FREE - DOM

FREE - DOM

i shudder

i must be a rebel to beat such a song. 

but no. 

my heart keeps beating.

continues beating.

every day.

through the night.

FREE - DOM

FREE - DOM

i stroke the bars of my cage,

thick, curved, strong, white, 

fragile.

i grip.

i tighten.

i break the bar in two,

my breath catches on its shards.

i look away from the destruction i've caused.

instead, i look out of my cage.

but cage it is no longer.  

my heart's revel escapes,

ringing in the valley.

my valley.

my life.

<3 eva

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this life has been a landscape of pain and still flowers bloom in it
sanober khan // via