that someday - is now

this is the day that we talked about for 

so long.

these are the moments that we would dream about and plan

so thoughtfully.

I wonder what my 15 year old self would think

of 19 year old me. 

she would probably be impressed, perhaps jealous.

she would probably think that she has no problems, 

that she's healthy and never has bad days.

but it couldn't be farther from the truth.

yes, 19 me is in a much better place mentally;

and she's fulfilling one dream after another,

but she still has bad days.

she still trips and falls and has questions that never seem to have 

answers.

she still stays up late and thinks deep thoughts.

she still cries on a dime and finds faults with herself.

and you know what?

I'm fine with that.

I'm happy. happier than I've ever been.

because with every struggle there's a blessing to count.

and with every unanswered question, late night, and bad day,

there's my God welcomes me with open arms.

I want to live for what I've been given.

I don't want to perpetually live in the future wishing I could see what it holds.

I want to live in the now, where I'm happy and thriving.

because young me would be excited to someday reach the stage 

I'm in now. 

<3 Eva

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

but it was Jesus who taught me there was
nothing I could really lose if I had Him
-unknown | via