late night questions

how do people exist? 

I wonder at what goes on in their minds....

what lives in their thought life? 

what do they fear? 

what do they love? 

what do they think of humanity? 

of God's love?

do they love someone? 

does that person love them back?  

do they get lonely late at night? 

what happens when they have dark thoughts? 

do they cry? 

do they scream? 

do they talk to someone about it or bottle it all up inside?

it's these questions that I find intriguing. 

it's people that I find intriguing. 

but sometimes I feel like a bother. 

like talking to me means taking time out of the real conversations... 

one's the other person would rather be having. 

I talk a lot, I have a lot of opinions. 

I sometimes don't know what to say...

do they go away happy? 

are they glad they talked with me? 

do they feel like they've had a worthwhile conversation?

or is it just small talk until they can escape my eager conversation?

words

piled 

on 

words.

fears behind the mouth,

questions behind the eyes,

hungry for friendships,

for love,

in the simplest, 

most honest and innocent way possible.

vulnerability is a frightening thing, 

but when people ask you to open up 

it's freeing.

yet I tear myself down with these fears and doubts,

convincing myself that no one,

really

wants to talk with me.

how do I do that?

how do WE do that?

I know I'm not alone, 

I know that with a new year comes new fears,

but I also know that God is faithful to 

still those fears.

time and time again

He calms my mind and reassures 

me of the great love I've been blessed with.

both from Him

and from others.

if you're having doubts and fears,

promise me you won't forget that either.

<3 Eva

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look for Christ and you will find Him.
and with Him, everything else
c.s lewis | via

silence recieved

i'm calling for you across this

static.

do you hear me?

over

and out. 

i never get a reply,

just static.

always static.

please, why 

why

why

why.

i know why, 

you know why,

you've moved on.

away from the radio

away from me.

but i still sit here, 

calling your name into the radio,

stating "over and out"

until the sun rises and i tell myself,

this dream has ended.

you should move on,

away,

too.

___

here's a sappy post for you guys.

I'm honestly not going through heartbreak, 

I just loved the idea of radio, static, and calling into the void

<3 Eva

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"Be human to the fullest"
-unknown | via

My Life | His Art

sometimes I sit in the dark,

listening to music,

and just feel the weight of my life.

all of the heartache, the joys, the moments,

the silence,

it has all made me who I am.

the story of my life weaved through singular strings,

every string different than the other.

every person that has come and gone,

whether their role a positive or negative impact,

is a part of the story.

and I can't be mad can I?

even if sometimes I feel like punching something,

from the pain they caused;

I can't change what they've done, 

I can only embrace it.

I can't raise any part of my life to a 

high level of importance; 

I can't praise to the heavens the people that had a positive impact;

or plummet to the ground those with negative results.

I can't say "a particular moment in my life" changed my life, 

or formed my life.

because moments,

people, 

they don't form your life. 

they take a part in what is your life,

but they can't change your life, 

or direct it in a particular direction.

only Jesus can do that.

He's the one, all these years,

that's been weaving my story,

allowing things to happen,

putting people in my life,

taking them out,

I am who I am today because of HIM

and not because of anything, 

or anyone, 

else.

while this hard to remember, 

and easy to forget,

it's true. 

and in moments like this,

sitting in dark,

I feel it. 

I feel the peace of having no control over my life,

of accepting the pain and the joys as a part of His plan,

and allowing Him to create what He will.

<3 Eva

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God is love. He didn't need us, but he wanted us.
And that is the most amazing thing
-unkown | via