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Life is an endless equation:

There are countless variables 

and numerous answers.

Sometimes I have too many questions,

and other times

not enough.

We romanticize pain + suffering

and hate heartbreak.

We love the sound of the shatter,

but loathe the wound of the broken glass.

___________

A disjointed diary entry from 

5-17-16

-Eva

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Where sin runs,
His Love runs deeper.
-unknown | via

Peace Will Win // Fear Will Lose

I don't know what I want to say.

That is the harsh truth.

I have so much on my heart right now. I don't even know how to/what to share. It just weighs on my heart.

I think about my readers, I think about the community. What would they think of ____? Should I write that? Would it be deserving? Would it sound like a teenager's stupid opinion?

I don't even know. I hate pressure. I feel that I've create pressure for myself with this new direction. I use to be able to hide behind my cryptic poetry, it was comforting and I found relief in it. If someone wanted to know what it meant, they could come talk to me. 

But this blank white page with its harsh openness scares me. I'm scared to say what I think for fear of ridicule, even if its in the best of ways. I'm scared of being wrong, scared of not being what I'm suppose to be. What is over-reacting and what is being myself? Where's the limit? Where's the line? Is there a line? How do I express myself when I don't even know what it is I want to express? 

This is a block. 

This is the harsh reality. This is the messy bits of life that social media doesn't show you. 

This is the perfect imperfection that people hide:

including myself.

-Eva

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There is no distraction to mask what is real.
TØP | via

We Have Our Heading!

This blog has been receiving a makeover; as I am sure you have observed.

I have been doing a lot for thinking about what I'm expecting from the next year of blogging; and have come to several conclusions.

i. 

I want it to be same as ever: a place where I express myself and thoughts weighing on my mind. Sometimes you just need to spill - not necessarily to anyone in particular, but to simply get it out of one's head.  

ii.

I want the opportunity to express myself in more conversational style. 

I have learned so much with my poetic non-poems, and I will never stop writing them. 

(indeed they will grace these pages again, do not fear) 

But sometimes I have topics that would do better with a more straightforward point of view.

That is one of the reasons I re-designed my blog: to make those conversational posts more natural.

(P.s I totally copied Olivia's design. I am not ashamed because her blog is beautiful and honest. 

Go check it out: Summer of 1999) 

iii.

I want to involve the readers more. I never thought I would have people who read and loved my writing so faithfully: but I do. And this year, I want it to be less about me and more about the community as we love Jesus together.

Perhaps this blog post is to remind myself of the changes I want to make, and perhaps it is to excite you about the changes that are coming.

Whichever one it is,

  I'm excited and look forward to the happenings of this blog in 2016. 

<3 Eva

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I will sing praise to the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Psalm 104:33 // via